A list of the words that I misuse, and what they mean (or the story behind them)…

anyhoo

Combination of anyway and anyhow

blossom

Any “woodland” critter that dies in your yard and cannot be disposed of in the garbage (hence, they must be buried).  Rats and mice can be put in the trash, so we aren’t talking about rats and mice here.  Could be something like blossom possum or blossom sqwirl…they become official daisy-pushers™.

bork

Broken, and especially if broken ironically, is frequent or not-surprise, or due to geek magics.  Past-tense:  Borked (hence, that site is borked, Faceborked, my mp3 player is totally borked).  Bastardization of broken due to typographical error, but made funnier by a muppet chef’s insightful borkings.

celeryon

Intel Celeron CPU.  REAL servers don’t have celeryons.

creek

Pronounced crick.  A small stream that is fishable.

daisy pusher

Any dead critter that has already been buried and is contributing to the overall health and function of the soil.  Can also be used to let someone know that a person has died (mind you, no one ever said that I was classy or even normal…Abby Normal is a bit closer to reality)…

Q: “Where’s Joe?”

A: “Well…he’s pushing up daisies out at Woodland cemetery.”

dead squirrels

What I use to refer to really, really dead socks (socks that people put on their feet)…worse than “stinkity.”  Not maggot-gagging, but definitely proactively anti-social with its presence.

Euroshades

Any sunglasses that wrap ALLLL the way around the front of your face…say, something like “blades.”  No cool person actually wears Euroshades, and no one who would pretend to be could would ever admit to wearing Euroshades (etymology:  Tooler John and Tooler Jeff).

fishable

Able to be fished; a watery place that has fish big enough to catch and eat (or release).

GEnie

The General Electric Network for Information Exchange

gnar

Kayaker/river slang for gnarly, but worse than gnarly (etymology: Tooler John and Tooler Jeff).  Pronounced “nawr,” but Wally’s silent g-form rules™ can be applied producing “guh-nawr.”

hampered

Rendered less cool; made less cool by/through/because of the use of something (etymology:  Tooler John and Tooler Jeff).

For example…

He is hampered by uncool Euroshades.  (that sentence was once used on me, btw)

happy fingers

The fingers of your hand that suddenly start jumping on the wrong keys; the fingers that cause typographical errors; spastic fingers

I’d've

Contraction of “I would have.”

idear

idea (pronounced: eye-Dee-rrr)

IMEO

In My EXALTED Opinion

it’s

Contraction of “it is” or “it has.”  Context dependent.

jobber

A thing; an item; a contraption; something nearby that you can see but cannot currently remember the name of (toss me that screw-twisty jobber over there).

Synonyms:  Thing-a-ma-jig, thing-a-ma-jiggy, thing-a-ma-jigger, thing-a-ma-jobber, thingy, whats-a-ma-hoozit, doo-hicky, or simple grunts and clicks with vigorous hand gesturing.

kayakable

Any bit (patch, stretch, run, arm) of water that is capable of supporting kayaking lifeforms.

rar

What a grizzly bear says (Note: rar can modify any word, such as rar gnar). Rar can also mean hairy (but like a grizzly bear…something that you would never, ever pet).  Kind of like çok or iyi in Turkish, or mui in Spanish, but with a large element of instantaneous destruction as its primary component. Rar is always IN-YOUR-FACE, as well. The potential element of certain destruction is “rar.”

rar gnar

More gnar than a creek full-O-grizzlies (hungry grizzlies)…no one would run (kayak) a creek full-O-grizzlies because it would (potentially) be certain death…hence, “rar.”

RT

RoundTable (a message/discussion “forum”) on GEnie

RTC

Real-Time Conference (essentially, a chat room on GEnie, but usually scheduled, advertised, and with a pre-arranged/set agenda)

sourcetations

The actual authority behind the watered down news “story” you just read.  The news “story” is not the “source.”

stinkity

Really stinky, but not dead-deer or dead-socks or dead-fridge stinky

they’d've

Contraction of “they would have.”

this / next

This, as in this very week, and next, as in the week following this week…

For example…

If Sunday is the first of the month, then this Friday is the 6th of the month and next Friday is the 13th of the month.  It’s simple, really…and it has always been this way (really, it has).

viola

Yes, I know it is actually “voila,” but a long time ago (more than 20 years) some friends and I were in a RTC on GEnie in the Electronic Writers Association RT when someone’s fingers got all happy and pulled a typo: viola! It stuck.

Wally’s silent g-form rules™

I reserve the right to pronounce the first “G” of any word (just because).  This rule especially applies if the “G” is directly followed by an “N.”

we’d've

Contraction of “we would have.”

you’d've

Contraction of “you would have.” You get the point (he, she, it, I, you, we, they, and sometimes y and w)…

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